E3 Impressions: Nintendo

Everybody is wondering what Nintendo has up their collective white sleeves these next 12 months.  A lot of people take issue with what Nintendo has turned out to be: a casual gaming company that has abandoned their core fanbase (this is what the message boards are saying, dood).  Although you will have a silent minority or majority who still hold faith in Nintendo, this doesn’t stop them from selling a trillion systems per week.  What surprises lie in the world of the N?

• Cammie Dunaway, Nintendo’s Executive Vice-President of Sales and Marketing enters the stage in a tasteful pristine white pant ensemble.   Nobody asked what she was wearing so I’ll assume it’s Dolce?  No Gabbana.  Gabbana’s very vocal about being a Sony fanboy.  I always enjoy watching her talk and I don’t think this would be any different.  She’s adorable: she just said hi to the people watching online.  HI!!
• She starts off with NPD numbers (audible groan) to illustrate how big video games have become.  Apparently they’re larger than movies, music, the airline industry and dinosaurs combined.  I don’t nesscessarily listen to this part that much because it’s an intro.  I’m spending this time to play Contact on my DS.
• There’s a bunch of Mario Bros characters and villains flashing on the screen.  She introduces New Super Mario Bros 2, which is a four player Super Mario game.  Three other Nintendo staffers join Cammie on stage, dressed to the nines in pastel colored shirts to demo NSMB2.  It reminds me of Legend of Zelda: Four Swords, where you have to collect more and perform better than your three co-players.  You can carry other players and also throw them as well.  It looks like this game will depend on teamwork but also start many fights between my friends and I.  I see much potential for assholery during gameplay.  There’s a new suit called the propeller suit in which will let you float over traps and pits as well as fly.  I can’t wait.
• My mother would probably like this part:  WiiFit.  WiiFit sales numbers, blah blah blah.  What’s new: there’s a locker room available where you can customize your excersize regiment with a circuit of workouts to target specific parts of your body.  It looks pretty fun and intuitive.  Also, there’s some new games such as Perfect 10, in which you use your hips to hit specific parts of the screen.  She describes it as “Brain Age for your backside”, which is better than what I woulda called it: It’s like Simon for your Ass.
• Big Reggie Fils-Aime takes the stage.  Literally takes the stage.  This guy is built like the Colossus of Rhodes.  He talks about the history of thier controller and shows a video about the WiiMotionPlus and WiiSportsResort.  The coolest part is that it starts during a skydive (like an Army of Two mission without the inate homoeroticism) in which you control your Mii with the controller.  You can also make formations with other people.  Next is the archery demo which looks pretty nice and easy to use, although Bill Trennon has a hard time trying to get a bullseye.  Reggie and Bill then have a basketball three point contest which is punctuated by a short joke by Reggie (groan).  They really get into it and Reggie “threw up some bricks”, which is probably not biologically possible.  Bill almost wins the shootout but Reggie eats his lunch when he hits the money ball at the last minute.  Another game in which my assholishness can hit it’s full potential.  Before the WiiMotionPlus presentation is over, he mentions the Red Steel franchise and how it’s ONLY compatible for the add-on.
• Square-Enix shows up on one of the monitors and presents two titles: Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Crystal Bearers and a DS version of Kingdom Hearts, which looks fucking fantastic, btw.  Oh, and Mario and Luigi: Bowsers Inside Story as well.  This seems pretty RPG heavy but I’m happy.  I’d buy all three of these titles.  But wait, he mentions some “important news”.  A franchise that’s been gone for quite awhile but it’ll be back.  Golden Sun for the DS will be released and you don’t know how fucking happy I am to type this.  Call me a Nintendo fanboy all you want, I WANT THIS GAME.  The visuals look pretty good for all four titles.
• Cammie returns back to the stage to introduces James Patterson’s Womens Murder Club for the DSi.  Hm.  Not interested but hey.  Nintendo is trying to get that “stay at home mom” money.  I’m totally not mad at them.
• It’s evident that this part is very DS/DSi heavy and they introduce a new IP from Ubisoft camed COP: The Recruit.  It looks like GTA4 with fully 3d environments and an open game world.  I’m very interested in what this turns out to be.
• Uh.  Style Savvy is a game that girls can use to dress themselves and buy clothes and get dey hurr did on the Nintendo DS.  This is first on my list, yo.  YOU CAN PERFORM IN FASHION SHOWS. OH SHIT.
• After this they show a tired montage of people on the street talking about their DS’s.  Fast forward.  Nintendo flashing those awesome console sales numbers.  Flip Note Studio will be available this summer as well.  It’s a small movie making game which I’m sure will be a hit with the perverts out there.
• Mario vs Donkey Kong is coming out for the DS as a DSiWare download.  It lets you create and upload your own levels.  Looks pretty cool.  I hope the DSiWare store will be full of titles like this.
• Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks is availble on the show floor, apparently.  I’ve seen a couple fo videos and I can’t wait for it.
• Satoru Iwata, President and Grand Overlord of Nintendo approaches the stage to discuss corporate strategies to keep people buying Nintendo Wii’s and DS’s like they’re made of heroin.  He brings out the Vitality Sensor which makes sure you’re not dead while you’re playing the Wii, I guess?  Oh.  It’s for stress.  Wat.
• Cammie comes out to talk about Mario Galaxy 2 for the Wii.  The video looks really good and the music is very addictive, as always.  Yoshi is in it and you can ride him.  That’s a good thing, by the way.  It looks the same as the previous SMG, so you know the visuals are beautiful and colorful and the level design is interesting, to say the least.  If it seems like I’m not interested, it’s because it’s the same game but it’s a sequel.  Almost like an expansion pack.  But I can’t wait for it.  No release date is mentioned, however.
• Big Reggie comes back out to talk about three high profile third party titles: The Conduit, due out later this month, Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles and Dead Space: Extraction.  Apparently Nintendo spinoff games are fans of subtitles.  These games are already well known but it’s good to see them flash them in front of the hardcore audience’s face to shut them up.  I’m saying this for the lulz, btw.  Note: Reggie’s on the messageboards.
• It seems as if the wrap up is coming but Reggie announces a “new edgier game” and brings out the new Metroid trailer DEVELOPED BY TEAM NINJA.  Basically it looks like Ninja Gaiden with arm cannons.  It moves very fast and there seems to be a lot of acrobatic moves at Samus’ sweet ass disposal.  Wait…did I just see Samus do a bulldog wrestling move?  I’m impressed and I can’t wait.

My thoughts

Nintendo really doesn’t have to do much this year to stay on top, as they have a healthy bit between them and the 360 with more peripherals being released in the future.  I’d enjoy some talk about their online support or some mention of more games released on WiiWare.  It’s good to see Nintendo directly addressing their detractors by showing more “hardcore” games, the first coming out in a few weeks from now.  It doesn’t look like they’re doing a lot of new things with the platform, which isn’t bad if they want to stay on top but it’s bad when a lot of your audience is looking for some newer gaming experiences.  Metroid looks kick ass. SMG2 looks kick ass.  My mom will probably buy the new WiiFit game.  I wish they showed some of Red Steel 2 for the WiiMotionPlus.  Bottom Line: Nintendo played it safe.