Archive for the Uncategorized Category

MPOTW: I Come with the Rain (and no shirt)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on June 19, 2009 by etfp

i_come_with_the_rain

Josh Hartnett stars as Kline, a former LA cop turned private eye who is investigating the disappearance of the son of a tycoon.  “I Come with the Rain” hasn’t hit theaters yet but from the movie poster, I’d imagine that it’s about three young men scouring Hong Kong for suitable garments for the upper body.  Generally, I’d ignore any trace of any homoeroticism, ignoring the low hanging fruit of humor which is the gay joke.  However, Anh Hung Tran, the director of ICWTR is set to direct an adaptation of Haruki Murakami’s “Norwegian Wood”.

Yes, I know what “Norwegian Wood” is about and it’s not about shirtless men.  The title is NORWEGIAN WOOD.

I haven’t forgotten anything.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on June 16, 2009 by etfp

So here’s a visual representation of the things that are floating around in my head:

jamescameronrage

theloniousmonk

hurt_locker_ver4

E3 Impressions: Splinter Cell: Conviction: Too Many Colons: This Time It’s Personal

Posted in Current News, Uncategorized, Video Games with tags , , , on June 4, 2009 by etfp

splinter cell conviction

Splinter Cell: Conviction has been plagued with numerous delays dating back to 2006, so imagine a lot of peoples surprise when Ubisoft brought the game out for a full demo for E3.

For fans of the previous Splinter Cell games, this entry is a huge departure for the series.  An obvious difference between this and the previous games is the stylistic approach to storytelling within the game.  Instead of cutting the action for a cutscene , the story is told by projecting movies onto the walls, while the action still continues.  It keeps the player immersed in the game so there’s a smaller chance of them not being involved while the game dispenses narrative.  Mission objectives are also shown during gameplay, imagine the words “GET SARAH’S KILLER” projected on a wall as you walk down a hallway.  It progresses the story as well as the objective at hand.

Several gameplay innovations have been put in place to keep Sam out of harms way such as the “last known position” feature.  If Sam is involved in a firefight and he hides, an outline will appear where his last known position was.  This is where the enemy will search for him so the player is able to escape, flank or sneak up behind them to get the upper hand.  In the demo there is an EMP grenade where he is able to shut off the lights in a certain area to sneak up on or sneak behind enemy sentries while they search in the dark.

The developers, during the demo, highlighted Sam’s thirst for revenge, which taps into his predatory mode.  That, in turn made him more limber and faster than the previous games.  Sam Fisher actually moves more like Altair from Assassin’s Creed than his previous iterations.  The demo displays this as he dispatches of unknowing guards and pounces on gun wielding thugs when they walk into the shadows.

For a long time, people were wondering if Splinter Cell was even going to make an appearance at any E3 in the past 2 years.  Personally, I was pleasantly surprised at how far along and how different it looks from what I expected it to be.  I’m glad they’ve revamped some of the gameplay elements as well as the storytelling mechanic but a veteran of the SC series can definitely tell that it’s same old Sam with newer tricks at his disposal.

Splinter Cell: Conviction is slated for October of 2009.

E3 Impressions: Sony

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2009 by etfp

Jack+Tretton+1+resized

Sony should still have some surprises in tow, although one of them already leaked last week.  There’s bound to be some news about the PSP Go, as well as exclusives such as the Uncharted sequel and God Of War 3 and services such as Playstation Home.  The best thing about Sony in this situation is that according to sales numbers, they are in third place but that means they can definitely gain ground with some tight media integration and game selection.

  • Jack Tretton, President of SCEA jumps on stage and does the introduction. “Something for every taste every budget every need” and starts to spout some numbers showing how much the brand grew in the past 12 months.  He name checks MW2, FFXIII, Ratchet and Clank: Future, Heavy Rain, Rock Band: Beatles and Batman Arkham Asylum.
  • Not a surprise, but the PS2 is first up.  To me it’s amazing how the PS2 has bucked the standard gaming console cycle and is still selling at a good rate.  There are no games shown for the system (of course) but he mentions it because, let’s face it, a lot of people are still looking for one and still buy games for it.  Of course they would because backwards compatiblity is gone for the newer versions of the console.  He mentions that the PS2 outsold current generation systems in April during it’s ninth year. OOOOOOH SNAP.  Wait…that includes the Playstation 3 as well.  Not sure if I woulda mentioned that, Jack.  But whatever.  Onto the games.
  • He moves into Playstation 3 numbers, hitting 10 million install base.  Also he mentions the expansion into South America.
  • Playstation Network numbers are spouted out but he does a politician smooth segue into introducing Infamous, which released in May.
  • Jack says theres 35 exclusives being released for the PS3 including Infamous and Uncharted 2: Among Thieves, which is about to be demoed.
  • I’ve always been a fan of Uncharted so I’m very ready to watch this demo.  Evan Wells, Naughty Dog Co-President takes the stage to mention the Uncharted Multiplayer Beta, which will go live at midnight, but he wants to show us the single player campaign.  Nathan Drake looks very fluid in motion and almost moves like a rodent, how he jumps and climbs.  He climbs a beam and a helicopter moves into view.  Curse word.  A gunfight with the helicopter along with some armed henchmen ensue.  The first thing I notice is how Nathan reacts to things going on around him.  He sways as the ledge he’s on breaks in half.  He panics when he gets shot at.  Another pretty cool move is the ability to lift himself over cover as he’s hanging off of a ledge to shoot.  The gunplay is pretty standard fare but it still looks pretty fun.  The building that he is fighting in begins to collapse on its side and furniture and books slide across the floor.  Nathan loses his footing while debris and lose planks of wood splinter into smaller shards around him.  Impressive particle effects abound.  It’s a very impressive and pretty game and I can’t wait to play it.
  • Mag is now next on deck a public unveiling of live gameplay.  Mag is a 256 player online FPS which seems squad, army and battalion based.  256 players apprently are playing live online for this demo including people in Seattle and San Diego.  Cross country attachments aren’t mentioned but I hope there’s some sort of netcode optimization for those who are too far away from some people.  The game looks pretty standard.  Not impressive as far as visuals, as there is a LOT of information on the screen at once.  It almost reminds me of Quake Wars, another squad based console shooter.  Mag is more objective based than how many points your team has.  If you take over a missile battery, you have the ability to do missile strikes, if you take out an anti aircraft gun, you can parachute into certain areas.  Very cool stuff.  Even the spawning system is pretty good, as you have choppers, piloted by real players which fly in and drop you in.  At the end, the commander calls a cluster bomb strike which opens up for the offense to move into the heart of the war zone.  I’m impressed but I didn’t see much action from the person actually playing.
  • Jack hits the stage and talks up the PSP3000, but that’s not as important as the lilac colored Hannah Montana PSP.  Fuck.  Yes.  Jack introduces Kaz Hirai onstage to bring out the PSP Go.  Totally saw this coming.
  • Before he even brings out the PSP Go, I’m guessing to myself which pocket he has it in.  I guess his right pocket.  He goes for his left.  Foiled again.  It’s a little sexy piece of tech.  It looks like a smaller PSP with a sliding screen which reveals the game pad.  He makes a nice joke about it being nicknamed the “worst kept secret of E3”.  He does make a point to mention that the PSP Go is NOT here to replace the original PSP.  It still has the same size screen and takes M2 removable media but has 16 Gb of memory integrated.  I groan when I hear M2.  I can’t find that shit ANYWHERE.  PSP Go will be 250 dollars US on Oct 1st.
  • “Media Manager” is soon to be replaced by Media Go for easy transfer from your PC to your PSP.  Sony has also taken the procedurally generated playlist thing and made “Sense Me” which makes your playlists depending on what mood or what kind of music you want to listen to, like Apple’s Genius.
  • People who want to make games for the PSP also have a HUGE discount on dev tools.  80%.  Pretty good.
  • Kazunori Yamauichi comes on stage to taut his PSP version of one of my favorite racing franchises, Gran Turismo.  It will run 60 frames per second and will be a full fledged title with 800 cars and over 30 tracks with different variations on each and will be a launch title for the PSP Go.  I, for one, is pretty excited for it.
  • Hideo Kojima, wearing the same shirt he wore at the Microsoft conference comes out to show us a new Metal Gear game, Metal Gear: Peace Walker.  It’s a fully produced game by Kojima, so there will be long cutscenes, weird bosses and Japanese AV model posters.  A trailer shows Snake walking and sneaking and running along a beach.  As a matter of fact, I had this dream of Snake running alongside a beach….nevermind.  And with that, there’s the PSP Go segment of hype.
  • Jack comes back and mentions a Resident Evil game for PSP as well as SOCOM: Fire Team Bravo something, Little Big Planet and oh snap HANNAH MONTANNAAAAAH.  There’s an audible applause from the audience.  Now he discusses how awesome Playstation Network is.  He announces almost 50 Playstation 1 games to the store with Final Fantasy VII being the first one available as of this announcement.  Holy shit.  I’m actually excited because I haven’t been able to play it on this non-backwards compatible PS3.  I just realized what Sony is doing.
  • Playstation Home (beta) is mentioned where he shows off some numbers and name checks a bunch of developer studios who will have Playstation Home spaces available in the future.  Playstation Home hype video comes starring Chun Li?  Jack Tretton’s Playstation Home id is: Mr. T.  Now after this comes the real meat of the show, Playstation 3 games.
  • I take a little issue of showing off a Rockstar produced game called Agent without having any screenshots or gameplay footage.  My thing is, if there isn’t anything to show, don’t mention it.  Same goes for you too Microsoft with your MGS spinoff game.  At least Nintendo had a cool trailer for Metroid: Other M.
  • Now comes a live demo of Assassins Creed II, set in Italy during the rennaisance period.  The main character of AC2 this time will have famous friends by hobnobbing with Leonardo Di Vinci.  He even becomes an accessory to murder by providing you with a flying machine to drop into a fortified location to kill a target.  Big Ooh moment of the show: Dual blades going through the necks and into the brains of two guards at one time.  Ezio moves through Italy similar to the first Assassins Creed.  The animation is improved but so much but still looks pretty good.  The jumping mechanic still isn’t as fluid as I’d like but it still looks pretty.  The PSP version of Assassins Creed will work alongside the PS3 version, my guess is for unlockable weapons or missions.  Pretty solid demo.
  • Next up is Final Fantasy XIII.  There’s a brand new english trailer…wait brand new English trailer?  I thought they were going to work on the English version after the Japanese version dropped?  Will all Final Fantasy XIII trailers, there’s not even a vague clue of what the story is about.  Maybe some freedom fighters or some sort of resistance to a higher military power that harnesses the power of mechas or some sort of crystals.  There’s some new fighting footage interspersed throughout and it looks pretty and colorful and the black guy seems to not curse every four words, Barrett.
  • Wait.  Final Fantasy XIV and it’s going to be an exclusive?  How the hell?  And it’s releasing the same year as XIII?  What the hell?  Oh wait.  It’s a more traditional RPG fare: Swords and Chocobos and big armor with a long of string music.  Jack mentions a “new online epic” so maybe it’s an MMORPG.  Yeah, someone is going broke in 2010.
  • Sony brings out their new motion controller but I can’t help but notice how nervous this guy is.  It’s okay dude, you’re doing a great job.  I’m proud of him.  It’s still in prototype phase but he brings out what looks like a sextoy to demostrate what the motion controller, in conjunction with the Playstation Eyetoy, can do.  Audible Oohs when they actually see a tennis racket in the Sony staffers hand as he laughs and utters “it’s still hard” while trying to hit a virtual tennis ball.  Then they switch the tennis racket into a baseball bat and a fan and a watergun and into a sword.
  • Another demo they show is how he can interact with different shapes and objects in a 3-d space.  I’m imagining how fun it must be to play with this in Little Big Planet or a Sims game.  They also show a nice writing demo and how accurate it can be.  Spraypainting is cool because depending on how you angle your controller, it affects the thickness of your lines.  Color me impressed (This is the same art pun that I made during the Microsoft conference, btw).
  • In the back of my head, I’m just realizing that I haven’t seen God Of War III yet.  What if Sony said screw it and showed us this motion controller tech demo stuff for the rest of the show?  Riots ensue? Dogs and cats living together?  Total Anarchy?
  • Another battle scenario shows a bow and arrow demo against some slow prodding armored orcs.  The accuracy looks pretty good and the demo guy got quite a few headshots in.  There’s no announcements since, like Project Natal, it’s still in development.
  • Modnation Racers is a fully customizable cart racing game for the PS3.  It looks fun for the family and friends especially during parties (if you throw those type of parties, that is).  The designs are cute and it’s fully user generated from the cars, the racers and even the tracks.  One of the developers mention that they are harnessing all of the power of the PS3 with Modnation Racers.  I chuckle at this comment but it looks pretty good, running at 60 fps from what I’m seeing here.  You do get a feeling of speed and it looks like something I wouldn’t mind playing.  You can do a LOT with the tracks, you can change surface altitude and backgrounds and well as upload it to let people play it online.  Pretty solid presentation and the guy with the blue shirt (his name escapes me) should be hired to do more presentations.
  • FUMITO UEDA. YES. (Jizz-In-My-Pants)  Last Guardian trailer.  I’m not typing anything about it because I’m too busy rewinding it but I’ll say this:  It involves a little boy and a big animal and you know it’s going to make you cry.
  • Without a huge introduction, a teaser for Gran Tursimo 5 runs, which includes WRX and NASCAR racing (!?).  Wow.
  • The next trailer HAS to be God of War III.  As the demo starts, the first thing I notice is that Kratos hasn’t slacked off at the gym at ALL.  The first skirmish is with a gaggle of charging skeleton warriors, who are quick to be dispatched by using one of them as a battering ram.  There are some brutal moves in this game, as you may imagine and you witness the slaughter of a bunch of unarmed civilians as Kratos runs through the demo.  He disposes of a Harpy by using it as a way to get across a long chasm then he slashes at it when he gets to the other side.  Hilarious.  They show a close up of one of the Harpies and I noticed that they have C cup breasts.  Doubly hilarious.  While he battles another group of skeleton warriors, a HUGE red behemoth lurks in the background.  The scope is amazing as he’s about as large as Ares or the Colossus of Rhodes in the previous games.  After he rips a skeleton in half (which strangely still had blood to spill) a Centaur emerges from a door on the other side, flanked by a few more of the skeleton warriors.  The skeletons can bunch up on him and attempt to hold him down but Kratos, with a series of button presses, can burst from the dogpile, Matrix Reloaded style and continue decimating his opposition.  Kratos equips his lion fisted boxing gloves to punch the living crap out of everything in his way.  After he gets the prompts for the button presses, Kratos lays into the Centaur then DISEMBOWELS him.  I’ve never had such a mark out moment in this E3 than this.  Next might be even better as a Chimera attempts to gain an advantage by sneaking up behind Kratos.  First he takes off his snake tail, then stabs him in the chest repeatedly then stabs him with his own horns.  There’s an extra 20 minutes of demo gameplay on the show floor so everybody goes “AWWWW”.  I’m truly impressed and I can’t freaking wait.
  • Jack Tretton comes out and mentions that it’ll be available in 2010.  Ha Ha.  Jack says that Sony will never become complacent in their position.  That was a good one for the critics.

My Thoughts

I’m throrougly impressed with Sony, although a majority of these games won’t be released well into 2010.  I mentioned the fact that they announced a game they couldn’t even show a screenshot or even concept art for (Agent) and that sort of annoys me.  But Sony has a strong first party lineup coming if you can wait until 2010.  The PSP Go info was leaked before time so there were no pleasant surprises there but the restructuring of Sony’s digital service seems pretty good for owners of both portable platforms.  I’m glad they spent little to no time mentioning Playstation Home, as it’s in perpetual beta until Ares knows when.  The inclusion of the Playstation 1 games on PSN is a great mention for people who want to play some of the older games.  The Uncharted 2 demo looked solid and I’m really excited for Last Guardian.  I’d have to say, Sony did good.  I came into this conference pretty pessimistic but I’m thoroughly impressed.  If they can stay on schedule with the exclusives, 2010 will be a good year for Sony, although they’d have to fight for second place again Microsoft, who’s looking to strengthen their install base as well.  Addition as of 5:16 CST:  Where was the price discussion?  Are there any price drops coming?  They never once discussed the value of the product especially considering it’s price.

Also: My mancrush on Jack Tretton still remains.

E3 Impressions: Nintendo

Posted in Current News, Uncategorized, Video Games with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 3, 2009 by etfp

nintendo-marioEverybody is wondering what Nintendo has up their collective white sleeves these next 12 months.  A lot of people take issue with what Nintendo has turned out to be: a casual gaming company that has abandoned their core fanbase (this is what the message boards are saying, dood).  Although you will have a silent minority or majority who still hold faith in Nintendo, this doesn’t stop them from selling a trillion systems per week.  What surprises lie in the world of the N?

  • Cammie Dunaway, Nintendo’s Executive Vice-President of Sales and Marketing enters the stage in a tasteful pristine white pant ensemble.   Nobody asked what she was wearing so I’ll assume it’s Dolce?  No Gabbana.  Gabbana’s very vocal about being a Sony fanboy.  I always enjoy watching her talk and I don’t think this would be any different.  She’s adorable: she just said hi to the people watching online.  HI!!
  • She starts off with NPD numbers (audible groan) to illustrate how big video games have become.  Apparently they’re larger than movies, music, the airline industry and dinosaurs combined.  I don’t nesscessarily listen to this part that much because it’s an intro.  I’m spending this time to play Contact on my DS.
  • There’s a bunch of Mario Bros characters and villains flashing on the screen.  She introduces New Super Mario Bros 2, which is a four player Super Mario game.  Three other Nintendo staffers join Cammie on stage, dressed to the nines in pastel colored shirts to demo NSMB2.  It reminds me of Legend of Zelda: Four Swords, where you have to collect more and perform better than your three co-players.  You can carry other players and also throw them as well.  It looks like this game will depend on teamwork but also start many fights between my friends and I.  I see much potential for assholery during gameplay.  There’s a new suit called the propeller suit in which will let you float over traps and pits as well as fly.  I can’t wait.
  • My mother would probably like this part:  WiiFit.  WiiFit sales numbers, blah blah blah.  What’s new: there’s a locker room available where you can customize your excersize regiment with a circuit of workouts to target specific parts of your body.  It looks pretty fun and intuitive.  Also, there’s some new games such as Perfect 10, in which you use your hips to hit specific parts of the screen.  She describes it as “Brain Age for your backside”, which is better than what I woulda called it: It’s like Simon for your Ass.
  • Big Reggie Fils-Aime takes the stage.  Literally takes the stage.  This guy is built like the Colossus of Rhodes.  He talks about the history of thier controller and shows a video about the WiiMotionPlus and WiiSportsResort.  The coolest part is that it starts during a skydive (like an Army of Two mission without the inate homoeroticism) in which you control your Mii with the controller.  You can also make formations with other people.  Next is the archery demo which looks pretty nice and easy to use, although Bill Trennon has a hard time trying to get a bullseye.  Reggie and Bill then have a basketball three point contest which is punctuated by a short joke by Reggie (groan).  They really get into it and Reggie “threw up some bricks”, which is probably not biologically possible.  Bill almost wins the shootout but Reggie eats his lunch when he hits the money ball at the last minute.  Another game in which my assholishness can hit it’s full potential.  Before the WiiMotionPlus presentation is over, he mentions the Red Steel franchise and how it’s ONLY compatible for the add-on.
  • Square-Enix shows up on one of the monitors and presents two titles: Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Crystal Bearers and a DS version of Kingdom Hearts, which looks fucking fantastic, btw.  Oh, and Mario and Luigi: Bowsers Inside Story as well.  This seems pretty RPG heavy but I’m happy.  I’d buy all three of these titles.  But wait, he mentions some “important news”.  A franchise that’s been gone for quite awhile but it’ll be back.  Golden Sun for the DS will be released and you don’t know how fucking happy I am to type this.  Call me a Nintendo fanboy all you want, I WANT THIS GAME.  The visuals look pretty good for all four titles.
  • Cammie returns back to the stage to introduces James Patterson’s Womens Murder Club for the DSi.  Hm.  Not interested but hey.  Nintendo is trying to get that “stay at home mom” money.  I’m totally not mad at them.
  • It’s evident that this part is very DS/DSi heavy and they introduce a new IP from Ubisoft camed COP: The Recruit.  It looks like GTA4 with fully 3d environments and an open game world.  I’m very interested in what this turns out to be.
  • Uh.  Style Savvy is a game that girls can use to dress themselves and buy clothes and get dey hurr did on the Nintendo DS.  This is first on my list, yo.  YOU CAN PERFORM IN FASHION SHOWS. OH SHIT.
  • After this they show a tired montage of people on the street talking about their DS’s.  Fast forward.  Nintendo flashing those awesome console sales numbers.  Flip Note Studio will be available this summer as well.  It’s a small movie making game which I’m sure will be a hit with the perverts out there.
  • Mario vs Donkey Kong is coming out for the DS as a DSiWare download.  It lets you create and upload your own levels.  Looks pretty cool.  I hope the DSiWare store will be full of titles like this.
  • Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks is availble on the show floor, apparently.  I’ve seen a couple fo videos and I can’t wait for it.
  • Satoru Iwata, President and Grand Overlord of Nintendo approaches the stage to discuss corporate strategies to keep people buying Nintendo Wii’s and DS’s like they’re made of heroin.  He brings out the Vitality Sensor which makes sure you’re not dead while you’re playing the Wii, I guess?  Oh.  It’s for stress.  Wat.
  • Cammie comes out to talk about Mario Galaxy 2 for the Wii.  The video looks really good and the music is very addictive, as always.  Yoshi is in it and you can ride him.  That’s a good thing, by the way.  It looks the same as the previous SMG, so you know the visuals are beautiful and colorful and the level design is interesting, to say the least.  If it seems like I’m not interested, it’s because it’s the same game but it’s a sequel.  Almost like an expansion pack.  But I can’t wait for it.  No release date is mentioned, however.
  • Big Reggie comes back out to talk about three high profile third party titles: The Conduit, due out later this month, Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles and Dead Space: Extraction.  Apparently Nintendo spinoff games are fans of subtitles.  These games are already well known but it’s good to see them flash them in front of the hardcore audience’s face to shut them up.  I’m saying this for the lulz, btw.  Note: Reggie’s on the messageboards.
  • It seems as if the wrap up is coming but Reggie announces a “new edgier game” and brings out the new Metroid trailer DEVELOPED BY TEAM NINJA.  Basically it looks like Ninja Gaiden with arm cannons.  It moves very fast and there seems to be a lot of acrobatic moves at Samus’ sweet ass disposal.  Wait…did I just see Samus do a bulldog wrestling move?  I’m impressed and I can’t wait.

My thoughts

Nintendo really doesn’t have to do much this year to stay on top, as they have a healthy bit between them and the 360 with more peripherals being released in the future.  I’d enjoy some talk about their online support or some mention of more games released on WiiWare.  It’s good to see Nintendo directly addressing their detractors by showing more “hardcore” games, the first coming out in a few weeks from now.  It doesn’t look like they’re doing a lot of new things with the platform, which isn’t bad if they want to stay on top but it’s bad when a lot of your audience is looking for some newer gaming experiences.  Metroid looks kick ass. SMG2 looks kick ass.  My mom will probably buy the new WiiFit game.  I wish they showed some of Red Steel 2 for the WiiMotionPlus.  Bottom Line: Nintendo played it safe.

Movie Poster Of The Week: Sasha Grey: A Portrait Of A Mouth Breather

Posted in Movies, Uncategorized with tags , , on April 12, 2009 by etfp

sasha girlfriend

This poster displays it’s intent: A sexual 21 year old with perfect eyebrows and a devil may care attitude.  From what I’ve heard, it’s a good flick.  I just wantt o be able to see Sasha Grey for 2 hours straight.  Others will just expect her getting reamed by some guy with long hair and a questionable accent for that same amount of time.

Random Poll: Which Superpower?

Posted in Random Crap, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on March 26, 2009 by etfp

Author and expert on everything, John Hodgman, once asked many people “Which superpower: Flight vs Invisiblity” on episode 178 of This American Life.  Challenged with the choice between both, the answers became almost a rorschach inkblot test, examinining characteristics of personalities and how a person would function emotionally.  People who chose flight, wanted to fly to Paris and make running errands easier.  Those that chose invisiblity, however, indicated a darker path; shameful and almost perverted.

Choosing a superpower is an opportunity not to squander but why make it so heavy?  Why choose the person you want to be against the person you already are?  Although nobody wants to become a criminal, what if there were certain structures put into place to make it easier to do so?  If you’re invisible, you can sneak into baseball games and watch people shower all you want.  Banks would be short thousands of dollars for no explainable reason.  Nearby female dormitories would experience a rash of “immaculate conceptions”.

“WITH GREAT POWER THERE MUST ALSO COME – – GREAT RESPONSIBILITY!” — Amazing Fantasy #15

What if I don’t want the responsibility but I want the power?  Sure, flying is fun, but you have to consider debris and weather.  I live in a city that does NOT have the cleanest air in the world.  So imagine my disdain when I land at my destination with a dirt caked collar and pants dusted with soot.  I’d have to wear a pair of goggles to keep my eyes clean.  Too much responsibility.

Even with invisibility, you’d have to take into account the fact that you’re just a naked guy walking around.  This is not ideal in extreme conditions as far as weather is concerned.  Also, every unsolved mystery, burglary or murder will partially be blamed on you unless you can prove your innocence.  Not the life to live if you ask me, especially considering those navvy workers were able to find Griffin in “The Invisible Man” without the use of the technology of today.

With that explanation of why I think both powers suck.  I give you, my seventeen readers, the choice between two powers.  These two powers, although not as “powerful” as flight or invisibility, are definitely a lot more useful and they aren’t ruined by such cons as “falling asleep while flying around the world” or “sat on by fat woman on train”.  I will also discuss the pros and cons of each.

Which superpower would you rather have?

  • The power to change any song that’s being broadcasted in any capacity.
  • The power to always create a great meal, no matter where you are.

Music Manipulation

Limitations:  There have to be speakers present.  You won’t change the song coming from a radio station, as it’s purely local.  You can change the song in your car, but you can’t change the songs in another car.  Now if you could make it into the radio station, however…

Pros:  You can listen to John Coltrane during a Sunday drive, which is scientifically proven to be the way a Sunday drive is supposed to be.  If you’re in the club, you can stop the DJ from playing Lady Gaga for 2 contiguous hours.  In your world, in the realm of your car, radio advertisements don’t exist.  You can be the world’s first equipmentless DJ.

Cons:  You’ll be the bane of every DJ who’s party you attend.  Everybody would bother you to play music at social gatherings.  Not everyone shares your musical taste.

Instant Food Generation

Limitations:  You can only create 3 meals a day with a snack in between each one.  Each meal is 5 courses including dessert.  Each snack consists of one serving of any snack that you can think of.  You can only make these meals for yourself.  You can’t feed the needy with your powers.

Pros:  You’ll never starve.  You can expand your palette by trying new food items.  Every meal will be the best that you can make it.  You will never have a sub par meal.  Cuts down on your

Cons:  If you wish for a fois gras and you realize you don’t like it, you can’t do over.  You can make another meal but it counts as another of your three meals.